"Come, come, w        Thoever you are. Wanderer, worshipper, lover of living, it doesn't matter
Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come even if you have broken your vow a thousand times" Rumi

Click here to edit subtitle

Blogs and good info


view:  full / summary

Managing Your Child's Tantrums and Meltdowns in Public- Part 2

Posted by DrZSaatchian on February 23, 2016 at 7:00 AM Comments comments (0)


Children’s tantrums are hard to deal with, no matter where and when they happen. It is stressful for both the child and the parents. In Part 1, we talked about some tools to help your child avoid tantrums, and remain calm. As good as these tools may be, life is unpredictable and tantrums can happen. There may be a time that even the best of planning and communication may not be enough to calm your child, such is life! At these times, understanding the tantrum can be more helpful.

In this part we provide some tools for managing a meltdown, and things to do, when all the great parenting in the world is not enough to stop a meltdown.

 

Steps to deal with a meltdowns:

Do not take it personally, do not worry about what others may be thinking about.

Don’t try to reason with, or get into a power struggle with your child. During a tantrum or during highly intensive emotional states, conversation is futile, and will most likely make matters worse.

Let them air-it-out, as long as you can make sure that they are safe, sometimes it may be helpful to just let them get their frustration out by venting.

Be prepared to leave and take care of your child’s needs. Sometimes getting away from the scene of the tantrum may be enough to snap them out of the emotional space.

Try to take a short break, go to the car and see what may be wrong.

Just a hug. Children can become overstimulated in certain situations, and the tantrum itself can aggravate this feelings. Holding your child, in a firm, soothing embrace can at times be enough to calm their over-stimulated nerves.

Model. As frustrating and nerve wracking as dealing with tantrums are, remember that you are always a model of behavior for your child, and teaching by example is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal. Keeping your cool, as you help your child work through their frustration can help show appropriate ways of dealing with frustration.

 

Remember, as stressful as a tantrum is, it is also a great opportunity for teaching your child to learn patience and self-regulation. Teaching your children healthy and effective ways of handling their frustration, and learn how to self-regulate and gain self-control is a useful life-long skill, and important for success in later life.

 


If you need more help, please feel free to contact me, Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136, for a 15 minute free consultation.

 

About Dr. Ziba Saatchian

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD (PSY28882) is a licensed psychologist in private practice.Dr. Ziba Saatchian specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

 

Managing Your Child's Tantrums and Meltdowns in Public- Part 1

Posted by DrZSaatchian on February 22, 2016 at 2:50 PM Comments comments (0)

  

Dealing with a child’s tantrum in public can, at best be stressful, and at worst, embarrassing and anxiety provoking. As bad as they are, meltdowns are a common experience for parents of toddlers, and young children. Toddlers, and young children who have not developed good coping skills, use their own version of quickly letting you know that you are not meeting their needs, or not capitulating to their demands: a meltdown.

Steps to prevent or stop meltdowns:

1. Managing expectations:

Your expectations: Make sure that your expectations are reasonable. For example, are you expecting a child who is tired or hungry, or both, to remain calm and patient as you go around the shops or the grocery store?

Your child’s expectations: Make sure to be clear about what your child can and cannot get away with, ahead of time. For example let them know that “yes you can bring your handheld gadget to play your game”, “no, we will not buy items that are not on our list” etc. When you set clear expectations, you limit the number of things they will have to demand and argue about.

 2. Provide an Incentive:

When you are requiring your child to behave well in certain situations which may be trying for them, such as going shopping, it is ok to provide them with something to look forward to as a reward for their patience. You can say that you are requiring them to behave in a certain way, and if they are able to do it then afterwards you’ll let them do one thing with them that they like. Make sure to reassure them that they are fully capable of fulfilling the requirement it. The important thing is to do this ahead of time, and not as a way of giving into your child who is in the middle of a tantrum. If during the event, your child begins to become intemperate, you can remind them about the special treat that you had discussed earlier. It is important to make sure that whatever you promise and agree to is doable, that you will have time to do it, and that you deliver on your promise.

 3. Communicate:

If the shopping trip is somehow taking longer than expected, or something else comes up, be sure to communicate this with your child and acknowledge their disappointment/frustration with this change of expectations. For younger children who may have limited vocabulary, it may be helpful to teach them how to sign some words, such as tired, food, etc. so that during times, when they are too upset to use their words they can show you what may be going on.

 4. Create a Diversion:

Sometimes if you are able to catch the tantrum early enough, or before it starts, you may be able to create a distraction. Children’s attention spans are normally pretty short, and if you catch the tantrum in its early stages, the child may forget about the meltdown.


In this part, we have talked about some tools to help your child avoid tantrums, and remain calm. As good as these tools may be, life is unpredictable and tantrums can happen. There may be a time that even the best of planning and communication may not be enough to calm your child, such is life! At these times, understanding the tantrum can be more helpful. In the next part we will cover some of the ways to understand and manage tantrums.


If you need more help, please feel free to contact Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136, for a 15 minute free consultation.

About Dr. Ziba Saatchian:

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD (PSY28882) is a licensed psychologist in private practice. Dr. Saatchian specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

 





 

Imapct of Middle School on Tweens and Parents

Posted by DrZSaatchian on January 27, 2016 at 1:50 PM Comments comments (0)

A New Study by Arizona State University researchers has indicated that having children in middle school is one of the most stressful times for a parent. This was not surprising to me, as both the parents and the tweens, with whom I have had the pleasure of working with over the years, have reported high levels of stress and anxiety during the middle school period.

Adolescence is a trying time for both the adolescent and their parents. It’s easy for parents of adolescents and young adults to feel as though they are failing as parents, or to be shamed by other family members, schools and society. The adolescent years can be pretty tough for our children, as they struggle to adjust moving from the simple innocence of childhood to navigating the confusing world of adolescence, all while dealing with their raging hormones and changes in their brains and bodies. This is a time to discover their own identity, and figure their place in the home, at school, and in the community at large. During this period they are coping with confusing and mixed messages from the world around them.

Parents and their adolescent child need to learn to adapt their relationship, and find a new way of communicating. Given the right approach, as a parent, you can build and strengthen a healthy relationship with your child, and help guide them to become valued and successful members of their community. It is also important for your adolescent and you to find a mutually safe space, and an experienced professional to help you successfully navigate the tween and teen years.

As a psychotherapist, with many years of training and practice in working with children, adolescents and families, I can help you learn to have a more open and effective relationship, and increase the sense of harmony, cooperation, competency and joy within your family.

 

If you need more help, please feel free to contact Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136 for a free 15 minute consultation.

 

About Dr. Ziba Saatchian

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD (PSY28882) is a licensed psychologist in private practice. Dr. Ziba Saatchian specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

 

Simple ways to deal with your child's anxiety-Part 3

Posted by DrZSaatchian on December 4, 2015 at 8:00 AM Comments comments (0)


By: Ziba Saatchian, PsyD

Part 3:

In part 2, we looked at some basic ways for engaging with your child to help find out what may be causing them to feel anxious. In Part 3 we will be looking at tools you can provide your child with to empower him/her.

 

Give Them Tools: You are their primary Mental Helper, and to empower your child, you need to teach your child to become their own Mental Helper.

Tool 1- Stop, Breath and Check in: Help them learn to stop, close their eyes, and take a few slow and deep breaths, and check in with their bodies, thoughts and feelings, in order to find out what could be the source of their worrisome feelings.

 

Tool 2-Face it, Name it, and Fact it: Teach them to face their worry, name the thought which created the worry, and then have them face the thought by coming up with a list of facts to support, and facts to negate the thought.


Tool 3- Challenge: Anxiety’s greatest hold is that it will defeat us, and that we may not survive the outcome. Have your child feel strengthened in challenging the thought and finding evidence of times in either their life or that of others when the worry has either not come to pass, or else been overcome and survived.


Practice: Once you have gone through these steps, you can help your child role play various anxiety provoking situations, and help them practice using the steps to recognizing and overcoming their anxiety.


What more can I do? Model, Model, Model. For the most part children “do as we do, and not as we say”, so modeling healthy handling of worries is very important.


Steps to help you:

First things First: Tell yourself that, for now, you just need to concentrate on how to help your child with his/her worries, and afterwards you will have time to work on managing the feelings this brings up in you as a parent.

Don’t take it personally: It’s so easy, as a parent, to feel guilty, frustrated and worried about your child’s difficulties and struggles.

Help yourself: once you have helped your child, pat yourself on the back for being an awesome parent, who will do their best to take care of their child and help them overcome their fears, and problems (to the best of your abilities). Know that there is not a perfect answer. Remember your job is not to stop your children from having any & all unpleasant experiences and feelings, but to help them learn to live an empowered life, with an ability to feel, and experience life, and skills to overcome unpleasant experiences in as healthy a way as possible.

 

Note: According to the 2015 Child Mind Institute Children's Mental Health Report anxiety, at around 40%, is one of the most common mental health disorders in children, with 80% of children with diagnosable anxiety disorder not getting treatment. The median age of anxiety disorders is age 6. During childhood, anxiety is more prevalent in boys than girls.

 

Anxiety, as well as depression in children are highly treatable. However if left untreated, children with anxiety and depression are more likely to struggle in school and social situations, and engage in unhealthy ways to soothe their difficult emotions.

If you need more help, please feel free to contact Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136.

 

About Dr. Ziba Saatchian:

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD (PSY28882) is a licensed psychologist in private practice. Dr. Ziba Saatchian specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

 

 

Simple ways to deal with your child's anxiety-Part 2

Posted by DrZSaatchian on December 3, 2015 at 8:10 AM Comments comments (0)


By: Ziba Saatchian, PsyD

Part 2:

In part 1, we reviewed the causes of anxiety, the way anxiety can manifest in children, and some basic mistakes a parent can make in trying to help their child. In Part 2, we will be looking at some basic ways for engaging with your child to help find out what may be causing them to feel anxious.

 

Check in with your Child: When seeing possible signs of anxiety, take a moment to stop, and “notice, recognize, wonder, and offer to help.” Let your child know you “notice” they are having some big feelings, and “recognize” that this may be causing them some worries, and “wonder” what could be worrying them, and finally, “offer to help” them figure out a way to feel ok again.


Listen & hear: If you find that your child may not have the proper words to explain their worry, listen to their explanation, and if you are not sure what they are worried about, just repeat back to them what you believe their explanation was. Children will correct you if they feel misunderstood.


Help them recognize: If your child appears to struggle with verbalizing his/her feeling, ask them to locate where in their body they have the feeling, what the body feeling is, and what the feeling makes them want to do. This allows both of you to get a general idea of where they carry their feeling, how they physically process the feeling, and how they respond to the feeling. This will be a useful exercise and tool for the future.


Help them verbalize: As someone who has more experience with variety of feelings, you can help your child put their feelings into words, which will help feelings become closer to being manageable. It is easier to deal with something that is recognized and named, than a general, and unknown feeling.


Make sure to validate, normalize and empathize: It’s important for you to recognize the validity of worries and fears for your child, and normalize these feelings as something that is experienced by most children, and adults (even you). You can then do a reality check, and if their worry is real, have them face the reality of their worries. But make sure to let them know that they have the ability to face and overcome their worries, so that their worries, are not strengthened.


Help them understand Anxiety: Explain the origins and benefits of worries and fears, and that anxiety’s original, healthy, purpose is to help us take action when needed, and to help us get out of potentially harmful situations. Let them know that once worries and fears become excessive, or unrealistic, and begin to interfere with daily activities, and make us stay away from joining in group activities, then it is no longer helpful.

 

To be continued….. In part 2, we looked at some basic ways for engaging with your child to help find out what may be causing them to feel anxious. In Part 3 we will be looking at tools you can provide your child with to empower him/her.

 

Note: According to the 2015 Child Mind Institute Children's Mental Health Report anxiety, at around 40%, is one of the most common mental health disorders in children, with 80% of children with diagnosable anxiety disorder not getting treatment. The median age of anxiety disorders is age 6. During childhood, anxiety is more prevalent in boys than girls.

 

Anxiety, as well as depression in children are highly treatable. However if left untreated, children with anxiety and depression are more likely to struggle in school and social situations, and engage in unhealthy ways to soothe their difficult emotions.

If you need more help, please feel free to contact Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136.

 

About Dr. Ziba Saatchian:

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD PSB 94020175 is a psychotherapist in private practice working as a psychological assistant under the supervision of Margaret Donohue, PhD PSY9038. She specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

 

 

Simple ways to deal with your child's anxiety

Posted by DrZSaatchian on December 1, 2015 at 5:45 PM Comments comments (0)



By: Ziba Saatchian, PsyD  


Part 1 of 3 Parts

Anxiety: Even though as adults we may have experienced fear and worry at some point in our lives, it may not be the easiest thing to explain to our children. Anxiety comes in many shapes and sizes. Many young children (between 18 months and age 3) experience separation anxiety when a parent/care-taker leaves the room. This type of anxiety can also show up in children between ages 7 and 9, with children refusing to go to school, or having trouble going to sleep alone. Social anxiety is another common form of anxiety in children and teens. This can show up in children refusing to speak in class, join in group activities, or make friends. Anxiety can also show as specific phobias, such as fear of animals, objects, or situations.

 

How to recognize anxiety in Children? Many children, especially when younger, experience feelings on a physical level, but may not able to recognize their feelings. Children may also have difficulty putting their feelings into proper words, and verbalizing them in a healthy way. Children’s feelings of fear or anxiety may show up in varied forms, such as a tantrum during a routine situation, excuses to avoid going to school, losing homework, or feeling unwell (typically complaining of stomach or headaches), or behaving repetitively as a way to ward off bad events from occurring. Also pay attention to change in their eating, sleep patterns, and mood, as well as reports of change in school performance and behavior.

 

I want my child to stop worrying: For parents it may be hard to stop themselves from wanting their child's anxiety to just Go Away! Parents try to reassure their child. So you may be telling your child “you are ok”; “Don’t worry, I promise, it’ll all be ok!”, or “Just try it!” However, reassurance does not help a child who will then wonder why they still feel so bad inside, when things are supposed to be ok. The message they may get from your reassurance is that you do not get them, and so you can’t help them, making them feel even more alone, scared, and therefore even more anxious.


What else not to do: Do not help them avoid normal anxiety causing situations- It’s our natural instinct to want to avoid any situation which causes us discomfort or fear. This avoidance may appear to help in the short run, however research has shown that avoidance acts as a reinforcer in the long run that results in more anxiety, and teaches your child to use avoidance as a way of dealing with worries and fears, thus dis-empowering them in the long run.

How you can help: A better way of making your child’s fears and anxiety go away, is to help teach your child what causes worries, how to recognize the triggers, and finally learn how to overcome anxiety. By helping your child learn about things that cause anxiety, and provide the tools to help him/her outsmart fears and worries, you empower your child. Empowerment is a great life-time tool to have.

 

To be continued….. In part 1, we reviewed the causes of anxiety, the way anxiety can manifest in children, and some basic mistakes a parent can make in trying to help their child. In Part 2, we will be looking at some basic ways for engaging with your child to help find out what may be causing them to feel anxious.

 

Note: According to the 2015 Child Mind Institute Children's Mental Health Report anxiety, at around 40%, is one of the most common mental health disorders in children, with 80% of children with diagnosable anxiety disorder not getting treatment. The median age of anxiety disorders is age 6. During childhood, anxiety is more prevalent in boys than girls.

 

Anxiety, as well as depression in children are highly treatable. However if left untreated, children with anxiety and depression are more likely to struggle in school and social situations, and engage in unhealthy ways to soothe their difficult emotions.

If you need more help, please feel free to contact Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136.

 

About Dr. Ziba Saatchian:

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD PSB 94020175 is a psychotherapist in private practice working as a psychological assistant under the supervision of Margaret Donohue, PhD PSY9038. She specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

 

Simple Steps to Manage Depression for Teens

Posted by DrZSaatchian on November 24, 2015 at 5:05 PM Comments comments (0)

                                                                     


-Healthy Body: Move! Motion affects Emotion. Eat healthy. Eat regularly. Get enough sleep. Healthy lifestyle helps reduce depression. Change your posture. Even When You Don’t Want To!

-Healthy Connections: Depression may make you feel isolated, and you may not wanting to be around people. Feeling alone, and isolating only make depression worse. So make a point to spend time with friends, and family members, especially those you trust and feel good around.

-Healthy Self-talk: Your self-talk, how you interpret events, and what you focus on, all make a huge impact on how you feel! So be kind to yourself, try to notice positive aspects of events. And focus on things for which you are grateful.

-Avoid drugs and alcohol: Depression can make you turn to drugs and alcohol as a way of escaping the feelings, or to help change your mood. However, in the long-term use of alcohol and drugs can worsen your feeling and can increase suicidal feelings.

-Share your feelings: Keeping your feelings inside can make the feelings appear overwhelming and your situation hopeless. Reach out, and talk to a trusted family member, school counselor, or a therapist.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, helpless and depressed, and can’t overcome your negative feelings, it’s important to consult a mental health professional. By talking to a therapist who specializes in working with young adults, you will be able to share your feelings with someone who will hear you without judgment, and who can help you learn skills to deal with your depression and feel better.

Please Feel free to contact Dr. Ziba Saatchian: @ 818-275-0136

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD is a psychotherapist, specializing in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD PSB 94020175 psychological assistant under the supervision of Margaret Donohue, PhD PSY9038. 


Picture from Canva.com

 


Is your child experiencing difficulty with going to school?

Posted by DrZSaatchian on November 24, 2015 at 1:45 PM Comments comments (0)

                                                           

When Your Child Doesn't Want to go to School:

-It’s Normal: This may simply be a normal behavior, especially after a long school break, or after an illness, or even if your child didn't get enough sleep. If it persists then it may be indicative of an underlying problem.

-Problems with Peers: Your child may be having a hard time making friends, or have trouble getting along with peers, or experiencing difficulty in social situations. He/she may be feeling lonely, or seeing themselves as being different, or not fitting in.

-Anxiety: Your child may be experiencing anxiety. This could be separation anxiety (usually more common with younger children), or anxiety triggered by something happening at home or at school.

-Academic Problems: Your child may be struggling academically, which can create a negative school experience negative.

If you cannot get to the root of the problem, and help your child overcome their negative feelings about school, it’s important to consult a mental health professional. By talking to a therapist who specializes in working with children and adolescents, you will be able to deal with the problems faster and find solutions to best help your child explore and overcome their worries, resolve issues in the long term, and help them have a more positive school experience.

Feel free to contact Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136

Dr. Ziba Saatchian is a psychotherapist, specializing in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD PSB 94020175 post-doctoral psychological assistant under the supervision of Margaret Donohue, PhD PSY9038. 
Picture from Canva.com

 

How Real Are Our Feelings?

Posted by DrZSaatchian on November 16, 2015 at 1:15 PM Comments comments (0)

Perceptions: What Determines Our Reality?       

                                                                     

For the majority of our life we are certain that what we experience is “real”, and yet what we consider reality is the experience that is presented by our senses, and how our brain constructs this reality.

We each have an internal model which has been built from years of individual life experience. Our brain is constantly helping us construct a reality, which is continuously updated and remodeled.

Our experience of time is just as individual as all our other experiences. You say but time is a stable and fixed construct, which is universal. Can you think of certain points in your life when time has appeared to either slow down or speed up? During moments of terror (say during an accident), some people report that time appears to have slowed down to such an extent that seconds feel like minutes.

Our internal model original purpose is deigned to keep our experience of our external world stable. It is there to help us make sense of a continuously changing external environment, and help us to navigate it to the best of our ability.

But if unchecked it can bring on experiences of instability and pain in our daily life.


Who is in control?

What if you decide to take control?

So what if you make a conscious effort to choose a reality that brings more peace, joy and contentment to your life? What if you decide how you want to feel? And decide to change the quality of your experience.

We look outside ourselves for markers of where we need to be in life at any time. We look to society, our family, our friends and neighbors and the media, to decide where we should be in life, what we should be doing, and even how we should feel and think about things.

However the outside environment is constantly changing and shifting. Trying to derive a sense of meaning and a sense self by focusing on what is outside of you (society, family and friends), can lead to feelings such as fear, anxiety, overwhelm and sadness. To take control of your feelings and thoughts you need stability and flexibility- you need an internal lotus of control, and internal sense of self.

 

How to take Control?

If what we see, feel and think and experience is only a perception of “reality”, then is it possible to decide to change this “reality”.

You may be saying “but we cannot control the events in our outside environment (say a natural disaster, or an accident, or act of violence), or other people’s actions. Yes, this may very well be so, but in fact you are making a decision, you are deciding to not make a conscious decision! You are deciding to let your genetic predisposition, your history, your outside environment etc, determine how you perceive the event, what it means to you and how you will feel and think about it.

                                                                                         

You in Control

 So what if you make a conscious effort to choose a reality that brings more peace, joy and contentment to your life? What if you decide how you want to feel? And decide to change the quality of your experience.

We look outside ourselves for markers of where we need to be in life at any time. We look to society, our family, our friends and neighbors and the media, to decide where we should be in life, what we should be doing, and even how we should feel and think about things.

However the outside environment is a constantly changing and shifting. Trying to derive a sense of meaning and a sense self by focusing on what is outside of you (society, family and friends), can lead to feelings such as fear, anxiety, overwhelm and sadness. To take control of your feelings and thoughts you need stability and flexibility- you need an internal lotus of control, and internal sense of self.


Steps to Take Control

How can you change the quality of your experience and therefore your life? What would you have to do, believe, feel, and think to make your life be at a higher level?

Three simple pattern changes can put you back in control of your emotions, thoughts and direction of your life.

First step is to see it how it is- you must first understand where you are at- what your thoughts and feelings are, and how they are being determined- What level of emotion are you at?

 

The next step is to recognize that you can affect your reality, so ask yourself: How do you want your life to be? How do you want to feel? - What level do you want to be at in your life?

 

The final step is to decide: Make a decision to have this be your reality- change your thoughts state, change your emotion state, and change your body state.


When you decide that you want to experience life on your terms, please feel free to contact me, Dr. Ziba Saatchian @ 818-275-0136

and I will help you go through these steps in detail.


About Ziba Saatchian, PsyD

Ziba Saatchian, PsyD PSB 94020175 is a psychotherapist in private practice working as a psychological assistant under the supervision of Margaret Donohue, PhD PSY9038. She specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families, as well as individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and childhood trauma.

 

Picture: from Canva.com


Rss_feed